Part
I
It’s been difficult
trying to stay away from this place. It’s been years, but it still looked as
breath taking as it did the last time Leila set foot here. The last thing she
expected was the peacefulness she felt the moment she hopped off the bus. It
was quite unsettling. After all, how could a place that has so much…history
make her feel like she was where she’s supposed to be?
She breathed in as much
of the sea air as she could. The sun is finally rising and the sky is tinged
with hues of yellow and orange. It was going to be a day with clear skies. She
could tell. She just hoped that the weather could somehow help clear her head.
The day went on as
Leila expected. The sky was blue and the sun was shining brightly. The day
could only last so long though. Eventually night came with a sky filled with
stars. The place was as beautiful in the dark as it was in the light of day.
The tranquility of the place should have helped her calm down. The rhythmic
crashing of the sea to the shore should have lulled her to sleep. Instead she
was wide awake in the middle of the night.
“I don’t know what I’m
doing,” Leila said, deciding to break her reverie by calling a friend that she
hasn’t seen for some time. She didn’t want to be swallowed by the silence.
“I
think you’re not the only one,” she replied.
Leila
laughed at this. It’s uncanny how they didn’t have to start conversations with
niceties. The laugh was short lived though as the feeling of dread came again.
“You don’t understand. It’s like every day I wake up disoriented, like I’m
supposed to be somewhere else and I’m left confused thinking that this isn’t
supposed to be what my life is like. Do you know how frustrating it is to feel
that way every fucking day?” Leila said exasperatingly.
“Sweetheart, maybe
you’re just exhausted. You need to get away for a while. Where are you anyway?
Let’s go out.” Her friend told her.
“Batangas. With friends
from the office. They’re all sleeping. Your timing is impeccable. I was about
to do the one thing I swore I’d never do.” Leila laughed to herself, making
sure she wasn’t too loud.
“What?” her friend
asked.
“Finally show up with
my appointment with the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. You see, I
thought that if I ever came to that then that means I have probably hit rock
bottom. It sounds crazy. I know. I’m crazy. Here I am, talking about me – again
– at two in the morning with you while trying not to wake everyone up. Damn,
I’d kill for a smoke right now.” She ranted.
“You don’t smoke.” Her
friend reminded her.
“I know. But sometimes
I get so tempted, I have to literally keep myself busy just so I wouldn’t reach
for a cigarette or a bottle of liquor. It’s so embarrassing.” She explained.
There was a long
silence but it wasn’t awkward. They both understood what each other’s silence
meant. She drank more of the merlot she brought while staring out the window.
“What are you doing?”
her friend asked.
“Drinking.” She
answered. Her friend laughed. “Tonight I couldn’t resist.” She explained.
“You have good people
there, why don’t you talk to them?” her friend asked again.
“Wake them up? Nah. Not
worth it. This weekend getaway was a chance for everyone to have fun. I
wouldn’t want to bring the mood down because I’m depressed about nothing in
particular and about everything. Sometimes I think I should see a psychiatrist.
Maybe I am too empathic. Maybe I’m fucked in the head or something. I don’t know.
I just don’t know who I am or what I’m doing anymore. Don’t even ask me what I
want to do. I wouldn’t know the answer if my life depended on it. I… I am
exhausted of waking up every day and having to drag myself out of bed to get to
work. I am exhausted of being offended by the littlest of things. I’m just
tired of it all.”
“Oh Leila,” her friend
sighed on the other end of the line. “Goodnight babe,” Leila said, ending the
phone call.
It wasn’t until noon
when any of her friends noticed her missing from the bedroom. They tried her
phone but it was on the nightstand where she left it last night. They found her
a little while later in the bath room with a tear stained face, an empty bottle
of Merlot, and the floor stained red.
No comments:
Post a Comment