Me: God? Where's my love story\/
God: Didn't we have this conversation before?
Me: No...? I think this is the first time we've had this talk.
God: Ha! Really?
Me: Yeah! Really! So anyway, where's my love story?
God: I'm not done with it yet!
Me: Aww. Do I at least get to meet my other half before you're finished?
God: Who says you haven't met him yet?
Me: So I know him already?
God: (pauses and thinks) Who says you do?
Me: (laughing) God, Seriously? You're answering my questions withj questions.
God: Am I? Oh hey I did it again.(laughs)
Me: are you really God?
God: ....
Me: Just curious.
God: Why do you ask?
Me: You kinda sound like me. So, are you God?
God: Who says I am?
Me: So what? you're my subconscious then?
God: (laughing) You already know who I am. No need to ask questions child. As for your love story, relax. I'm making sure you're both ready for each other before anything starts. :D
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Dabbling at mystery
She had a weird feeling that someone was watching her. She thought she was just being paranoid after the suspense-thriller movie marathon that she had with her bestfriend the other night but she couldn't shake that weird feeling off.
She was snapped out of her thoughts when her name was called by the barista. She was at her favorite coffee shop. After the long week that she had, she couldn't believe her brain still had the energy to even think at all. She got up her chair and to go get her order, a mocha frappe plus a really tasty muffin and a fruit mix.
As she sat back down, the nagging feeling that she had since she got out of the house of this morning came back. Gia looked around at the cafe. Smiling at a few patrons that she knew from around town. Satisfied that is amiss, she went back to the book that she was reading.
*********************************************************************************
Dan was doing his usual everyday run when he saw her walk out of her house. Dan is a good looking guy if he was being humble. Standing at 6'3" with a swimmer's build - broad shoulders, narrow hips, dark brown hair, light brown eyes, Dan Kirkland sure looked like a heartbreaker. He knew that, but his momma raised him well. Taught him to treat girls right.
But damn, from first sight he knew that the woman will be the death of him. He followed her,careful not to alert her of his presence until she entered the coffee shop. He went after her a few minutes later - letting her settle in, and looked for a spot where he can see her. Dan's well aware that's what he's doing creepy. Hell, he creeps himself out as it is. But he just couldn't help it. He's a curious bloke and he's the type who will not stop until that curiosity is sated.
He ordered his coffee and a few pastries himself and discreetly eyed the beauty that piqued his interest. She was probably around 5'4". "I would look like a giant ogre beside her," he thought. Her long brown hair looked so soft. And her slightly tan complexion made his mouth water. With a final resolve he said to himself, " I have got to get to know her."
*********************************************************************************
He stayed in the shadows of the alley right across the coffee shop. Waiting for her to come out. He has waited so long for this moment. "It's time" he said. He was not going to hold back now that he has found her. His Gia. He hid further in the shadows waiting for the perfect timing to get to her. Whispering to himself, "You'll be mine Gia. We'll be together soon."
She was snapped out of her thoughts when her name was called by the barista. She was at her favorite coffee shop. After the long week that she had, she couldn't believe her brain still had the energy to even think at all. She got up her chair and to go get her order, a mocha frappe plus a really tasty muffin and a fruit mix.
As she sat back down, the nagging feeling that she had since she got out of the house of this morning came back. Gia looked around at the cafe. Smiling at a few patrons that she knew from around town. Satisfied that is amiss, she went back to the book that she was reading.
*********************************************************************************
Dan was doing his usual everyday run when he saw her walk out of her house. Dan is a good looking guy if he was being humble. Standing at 6'3" with a swimmer's build - broad shoulders, narrow hips, dark brown hair, light brown eyes, Dan Kirkland sure looked like a heartbreaker. He knew that, but his momma raised him well. Taught him to treat girls right.
But damn, from first sight he knew that the woman will be the death of him. He followed her,careful not to alert her of his presence until she entered the coffee shop. He went after her a few minutes later - letting her settle in, and looked for a spot where he can see her. Dan's well aware that's what he's doing creepy. Hell, he creeps himself out as it is. But he just couldn't help it. He's a curious bloke and he's the type who will not stop until that curiosity is sated.
He ordered his coffee and a few pastries himself and discreetly eyed the beauty that piqued his interest. She was probably around 5'4". "I would look like a giant ogre beside her," he thought. Her long brown hair looked so soft. And her slightly tan complexion made his mouth water. With a final resolve he said to himself, " I have got to get to know her."
*********************************************************************************
He stayed in the shadows of the alley right across the coffee shop. Waiting for her to come out. He has waited so long for this moment. "It's time" he said. He was not going to hold back now that he has found her. His Gia. He hid further in the shadows waiting for the perfect timing to get to her. Whispering to himself, "You'll be mine Gia. We'll be together soon."
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Write drunk.
"Shut your mouth when you have nothing good to say."
Or so they say.
Well sadly, for those people, I'm not that kind of person. I am more a "write-drunk-edit-sober" type. Although, unfortunately for me, I don't get drunk literally. It's just that I write best when emotions are running high. You see, I don't have much of a choice. In my head, no one will ever understand me, so I keep it all to myself. Or let's just say that, no one would really care to listen. Hence this blog--a not so filtered dump site for my thoughts and feelings(if I am even capable of any)--good or bad.
****
I like my silence. Silence is my bestfriend. Me being silent is not always equivalent to me being serious. Most of the time it is just me being me. It's just me sitting with my thoughts or lack thereof. It is not about you or anybody else. Silence is my little corner. MY being the operative word.
As much as you might not want to believe me, I am a socially awkward creature. I do not like confrontations. I cry when I get yelled at. I cry when I'm angry. Tears are my defense mechanism. next to sarcasm. I can speak well, thank you very much. I have even hosted functions before. As a very opinionated person, I am required to talk. My job requires me to talk. But when it comes to one on one conversations, that is where I suck. I can communicate well verbally. But when things get emotional, that is when I shut up. I can talk to you about politics or the justice system or anything cruel in this world. But i sledom talk about matters of the heart.No. I am more of a listener when it comes to that certain subject.
I guess that is mainly the reason why I write.
...to cross that bridge that they call brain-to-mouth filter. I was always taught to think before speaking. i think that is somewhere in the bible too. and when it is in the bible, then who am i to object.?
****
What can you not understand???
your woes are not my woes.
your dreams are not my dreams.
i wasn't raised stupid you know.
i have a good head on my shoulders.
yet you keep treating me like an imbecile of some sort.
I don't want to be on a leash. I've been on a leash my whole life.
So no. You don't get to tell me what to do or where to go.
I am making my own decisions. If i have to make mistakes, then fine! I'll make them but i will make them on my own.
Be confident that i was raised good enough.
I am good enough.
I have my own dreams.
I have my own plans. Not concrete yet but I have plans.
And as of this moment, I am not certain about a lot of things.
But one thing is for sure.
I am good enough.
******
okay. now i'm rambling.
Friday, June 6, 2014
For The Longest Time
Hi.
I've been thinking of things to say to you since we haven't talked in a while. So far these have come to mind:
1) Thank you
2) I'm sorry
3) Time to let go
I don't mean to start this piece on such a sour note but i don't have much of a choice do I? I've been trying to fight the inevitable goodbye but as of late, it has backed me up into a corner...punching away, leaving me black and blue, hoping to leave me scarred after all of this. And I'm tired of fighting back. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
"Please say something, I'm giving up on you." This has been my anthem for awhile now it's true though. I would have followed you anywhere.
I have a confession to make. This whole time that you've been away, I've been having ambivalent feelings. I knew I should be sad, or angry or disappointed because we were fighting and you've said things that are way below the belt again, maybe I felt those at first but days went by and I started feeling relieved. Having been hit by...wanderlust. I was relieved that we aren't in good terms. Thankful even that we aren't in good terms. Thankful even that I didn't have anything to worry about. For the longest time you have been entwined with my life so intricately that i no longer saw your life separate from mine. When you said that you want nothing to do with me, I was apalled...then i was relieved.
I deserve more. I know that now. I realized that i do deserve more and you aren't going to give that to me. You're too caught up with your own worries. You don't need me asking for attention. So I sought it from others instead. I sought more for and from myself. And my God, for the first time in forever, i felt free...like a huge weight has been lifted from shoulders. I even slept better. Don't get me wrong. I still missed you. Sometimes, I catch myself wondering how you are doing.
I want to feel sorry for feeling na "lumawak ang mundo ko nung nawala ka". but it's overweighed by the good feeling na hindi kita inaalala.
Now, when I look back...everything i have ever written about you...each one felt like it was part of a long farewell party...but i wasn't ready to say goodbye.
This time though...
it's time. I have learned these past weeks that i deserve more out of my life. I can't go further if i kept putting you first. It's time. Now I can accept that you can manage on your own; that you will be fine; that i gave more than enough of myself. I know that we can try and take back all the hurtful words, but it's not going to change the fact the I will still think that I did no wrong and that you think whatever it is that you think and that you will always hold whatever it is that i did wrong over my head years from now.
So it's time.
It's safe to say that I can let you go now. You will always have a place in my heart but I'm ready to say goodbye. I needed a hard shove. Thank you for giving it to me. You will always be the Meredith Grey to my Cristina Yang. You will always be my person.
I've been thinking of things to say to you since we haven't talked in a while. So far these have come to mind:
1) Thank you
2) I'm sorry
3) Time to let go
I don't mean to start this piece on such a sour note but i don't have much of a choice do I? I've been trying to fight the inevitable goodbye but as of late, it has backed me up into a corner...punching away, leaving me black and blue, hoping to leave me scarred after all of this. And I'm tired of fighting back. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
"Please say something, I'm giving up on you." This has been my anthem for awhile now it's true though. I would have followed you anywhere.
I have a confession to make. This whole time that you've been away, I've been having ambivalent feelings. I knew I should be sad, or angry or disappointed because we were fighting and you've said things that are way below the belt again, maybe I felt those at first but days went by and I started feeling relieved. Having been hit by...wanderlust. I was relieved that we aren't in good terms. Thankful even that we aren't in good terms. Thankful even that I didn't have anything to worry about. For the longest time you have been entwined with my life so intricately that i no longer saw your life separate from mine. When you said that you want nothing to do with me, I was apalled...then i was relieved.
I deserve more. I know that now. I realized that i do deserve more and you aren't going to give that to me. You're too caught up with your own worries. You don't need me asking for attention. So I sought it from others instead. I sought more for and from myself. And my God, for the first time in forever, i felt free...like a huge weight has been lifted from shoulders. I even slept better. Don't get me wrong. I still missed you. Sometimes, I catch myself wondering how you are doing.
I want to feel sorry for feeling na "lumawak ang mundo ko nung nawala ka". but it's overweighed by the good feeling na hindi kita inaalala.
Now, when I look back...everything i have ever written about you...each one felt like it was part of a long farewell party...but i wasn't ready to say goodbye.
This time though...
it's time. I have learned these past weeks that i deserve more out of my life. I can't go further if i kept putting you first. It's time. Now I can accept that you can manage on your own; that you will be fine; that i gave more than enough of myself. I know that we can try and take back all the hurtful words, but it's not going to change the fact the I will still think that I did no wrong and that you think whatever it is that you think and that you will always hold whatever it is that i did wrong over my head years from now.
So it's time.
It's safe to say that I can let you go now. You will always have a place in my heart but I'm ready to say goodbye. I needed a hard shove. Thank you for giving it to me. You will always be the Meredith Grey to my Cristina Yang. You will always be my person.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Wanderlust
A friend asked me, “Where do you wanna go?”
“Everywhere,” I replied. “I want to go everywhere and see
everything.”
Two or three years ago, I started writing a bucket list. I Don’t know why I did or what
got into me, but I did it anyway. Maybe it’s because of the realization that nothing
lasts/lives forever so might as well do what you can today.
That list, amounted to about a hundred items I think.
Another friend of mine asked, “Why are you guys looking at
bucket lists? Are you going to die?”
“We’re all going to die,” I told him.
Then he said, after claiming that he is an immortal, “I only
have three things in my bucket list: 1)To live happy, 2)to die happy, 3)to make
others happy.”
I looked at him and said: “that’s a good list.”
My bucket list has been trimmed down ever since. Not because
I was able to do a few things that I crossed themoff of my list. It’s just
that, my priorities and dreams and aspirations shifted over the years. So far,
my list consists of:
1.
Travel everywhere
2.
Climb a mountain
3.
Bungee jumping and/or skydiving
4.
Learn a language (Italian)
5.
Get a tattoo. I’m still contemplating on the
design but I already have most of it figured out.
6.
To live
I want to live. I want to climb mountains and cross seas. I want
to go to museums,art exhibits, music festivals and film screenings and
libraries. I want to marvel at how those people were able to express themselves
in such vivid ways. I want to see the wild life! I want to see the sun rise and
set without worrying about later or tomorrow. I want to…god! I want to live!
I want to be in perpetual awe of this world and the people
in it. I want to be dauntless enough to see the great perhaps. I want to always
have this zest, this passion for life, this wanderlust. And I want to be able
to write it as it happens.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Here it is!
I was asked by a former colleague if I would be willing to answer a few questions for his thesis. Obviously I said yes...hence, here we are. As much as I would like to post his questions along sode with my answers, I have to stop myself since I am not quite sure if it will jeopardize his efforts in completing his thesis...plus I didn't want to be accused of plagiarism if that's even possible in the given situation. So below, you will find the slightly edited, if not, answers that I gave him. And in case you were wondering, this was conducted via email so I have a copy of my answers. XD
_____________________________________________________^
Primarily, it was my decision to be a nurse. Although it may have been influenced by my mother. She was always hinting on it then. She still is.
My experience as a practitioner opened my mind to the hard facts of this life. It has taught me how to deal with different people from different walks of life. From irate parents to snotty brats. Rich, important people. Indigents. Name the categories. I have probably dealt/interacted with them.
Unemployment or underemployment of nurses are,I believe, caused by businessmen who thought it was a fabulous idea to earn a profit by putting up nursing schools without or with little regard to the quality of nurses that they are producing.
Nurse volunteerism has to stop. This is one of the main reasons why nurses are switching careers. Who would want to work 12 hour shifts for 4 days a week with little to no compensation? These are hard times and it is not fair to subject these people who have trained and studied for 4 years and took a qualifying exam to practice the profession to volunteer! Volunteerism is not going to end though. Hospitals will not initiate to end this practice since they profit from it. Most nurses wouldn't dare to report for gear of the consequences. What of they shut the hospitals down? Where would the nurses go? There is no hospital in this country that does not have any volunteer nurses. They may be called differently, but it is all the same.
(I believe the question here was along the lines of a solution for the growing number of under-,if not unemplyed nurses in this country.)
by creating more job opportunities of course...
there are many out there. they just have to explore and open their minds to options. being a licensed professional does not mean that they can only be a nurse. If one is willing to learn then the opportunity to be employed is endless
Primary reason why I stopped working as a nurse is because...I got tired of the environment I was working in and the people I was working with. It just became too toxic at one point that I was not enjoying it anymore.
Secondary reason was I felt the need to grow and prove that I can be something else aside from being a nurse. It didn't seem right to me that I should be confined to a job that 1)I was no longer happy with, 2) that was preventing me from exploring other opportunities.
It was my sole decision to shift careers.
Right now I work in the BPO industry...it has always been an option for me so it was not hard at all during the transition process. Aside from the change of location I'd say everything went smoothly. I can't say that I am better at this job than being a nurse or vice versa for that matter. Both require certain skills and I have been trained to do both jobs well.
Have I achieved peace of mind and fulfillment...yes i think so. Satisfaction though is a different story. I think I will always crave for more. I'm the type of person kasi na pag nasa buffet eh itatry ko lahat ng putahe.
I dont have any regrets. None at all. I was never not going to be here. This was always meant to happen. I was always going to make the decisions that i made.
I never said that I would not go back. It is something to consider but as we speak i dont think im ready yet. I would have to exhaust all my curiosity for my current profession before I go back.
Five to ten years from now, career wise, i see myself as a published writer. Hopefully a successful one too. Will i be practicing nursing again by that time?I honestly dont know.
(This last bit I think I can share. I was asked what would I tell the younger version of me...or something like that.)
I'd tell myself "Thou shall not be daunted."
A/N:
I apologize for the punctuations and capitalizations. It is not easy to edit an article using a mobile phone at 2:21 in the morning. So forgive me if there was any mistake that I missed to correct.
_____________________________________________________^
Primarily, it was my decision to be a nurse. Although it may have been influenced by my mother. She was always hinting on it then. She still is.
My experience as a practitioner opened my mind to the hard facts of this life. It has taught me how to deal with different people from different walks of life. From irate parents to snotty brats. Rich, important people. Indigents. Name the categories. I have probably dealt/interacted with them.
Unemployment or underemployment of nurses are,I believe, caused by businessmen who thought it was a fabulous idea to earn a profit by putting up nursing schools without or with little regard to the quality of nurses that they are producing.
Nurse volunteerism has to stop. This is one of the main reasons why nurses are switching careers. Who would want to work 12 hour shifts for 4 days a week with little to no compensation? These are hard times and it is not fair to subject these people who have trained and studied for 4 years and took a qualifying exam to practice the profession to volunteer! Volunteerism is not going to end though. Hospitals will not initiate to end this practice since they profit from it. Most nurses wouldn't dare to report for gear of the consequences. What of they shut the hospitals down? Where would the nurses go? There is no hospital in this country that does not have any volunteer nurses. They may be called differently, but it is all the same.
(I believe the question here was along the lines of a solution for the growing number of under-,if not unemplyed nurses in this country.)
by creating more job opportunities of course...
there are many out there. they just have to explore and open their minds to options. being a licensed professional does not mean that they can only be a nurse. If one is willing to learn then the opportunity to be employed is endless
Primary reason why I stopped working as a nurse is because...I got tired of the environment I was working in and the people I was working with. It just became too toxic at one point that I was not enjoying it anymore.
Secondary reason was I felt the need to grow and prove that I can be something else aside from being a nurse. It didn't seem right to me that I should be confined to a job that 1)I was no longer happy with, 2) that was preventing me from exploring other opportunities.
It was my sole decision to shift careers.
Right now I work in the BPO industry...it has always been an option for me so it was not hard at all during the transition process. Aside from the change of location I'd say everything went smoothly. I can't say that I am better at this job than being a nurse or vice versa for that matter. Both require certain skills and I have been trained to do both jobs well.
Have I achieved peace of mind and fulfillment...yes i think so. Satisfaction though is a different story. I think I will always crave for more. I'm the type of person kasi na pag nasa buffet eh itatry ko lahat ng putahe.
I dont have any regrets. None at all. I was never not going to be here. This was always meant to happen. I was always going to make the decisions that i made.
I never said that I would not go back. It is something to consider but as we speak i dont think im ready yet. I would have to exhaust all my curiosity for my current profession before I go back.
Five to ten years from now, career wise, i see myself as a published writer. Hopefully a successful one too. Will i be practicing nursing again by that time?I honestly dont know.
(This last bit I think I can share. I was asked what would I tell the younger version of me...or something like that.)
I'd tell myself "Thou shall not be daunted."
A/N:
I apologize for the punctuations and capitalizations. It is not easy to edit an article using a mobile phone at 2:21 in the morning. So forgive me if there was any mistake that I missed to correct.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Bad Things I (or We if you're not in denial) Wanted to Say But Never Did
Parental Guidance is Advised.
Sometimes things just get too shitty too handle that you find yourself wanting to say things that can be hurtful...But of course, being the good and sensible person that you are, you bite your thing before you can even say them. Sometimes, you go even farther and brush it all off like it never happened. But there are times that it all just gets too much that you just have to let it all out. And it's okay. The world won't mind. Maybe one or two people will, but then, so what? It's not good to bottle it all up you know. So here I am...letting it all out and rationalizing why I am doing it..
========================================================================
***You're a double-standard, self-righteous bitch.
***You're such a slob. We're you raised in a dump site?
***You're so fucking lost, you can't even find yourself.
***You're so obscenely over-confident, I can call you arrogant.
***You keep posing as a man when in fact you're just a boy. To think that I almost believed in you.
***Make up your mind. grow a back bone for goodness sake!
***Go to hell.
***I'm not your dream board. Don't project your hopes and dreams to me. It is not my fault that you were not able to fulfill them. Neither is it my responsibility to make them come true now. I have enough dreams for myself to think about yours.
***I am not your hero. I'm not your keeper. Don't expect me to save your sorry ass everytime it needs saving.
***You keep pushing me away like that and I just might take you seriously and stay away for good.
***I don't care.
Sometimes things just get too shitty too handle that you find yourself wanting to say things that can be hurtful...But of course, being the good and sensible person that you are, you bite your thing before you can even say them. Sometimes, you go even farther and brush it all off like it never happened. But there are times that it all just gets too much that you just have to let it all out. And it's okay. The world won't mind. Maybe one or two people will, but then, so what? It's not good to bottle it all up you know. So here I am...letting it all out and rationalizing why I am doing it..
========================================================================
***You're a double-standard, self-righteous bitch.
***You're such a slob. We're you raised in a dump site?
***You're so fucking lost, you can't even find yourself.
***You're so obscenely over-confident, I can call you arrogant.
***You keep posing as a man when in fact you're just a boy. To think that I almost believed in you.
***Make up your mind. grow a back bone for goodness sake!
***Go to hell.
***I'm not your dream board. Don't project your hopes and dreams to me. It is not my fault that you were not able to fulfill them. Neither is it my responsibility to make them come true now. I have enough dreams for myself to think about yours.
***I am not your hero. I'm not your keeper. Don't expect me to save your sorry ass everytime it needs saving.
***You keep pushing me away like that and I just might take you seriously and stay away for good.
***I don't care.
VIP
It's been (?) years since we met...and this little piece of brown paper is a testament to the things that we have been through over the years. Over the years. men, that sounds ancient. Thank you for not being afraid to tell me that I am wrong whenever I am and for being willing to fight with and for me.
They say the truest friends that you will ever find in your lifetime, you find in high school...well, I'm guessing that's true because I found you. Or you found me.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)