"Well, I've been afraid of changing'
Cause i built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
and children get older,
and I'm getting older too."
I meant it whenever I said that I was afraid to lose her. At first it was completely because I truly believed that she was the best one could ever have. And she still is. But I think, overtime, the thought has become tainted with how dependent I was on her. I was suddenly afraid to let her go because of the stability I found in her.Stability. It was something that I looked for in everything and everyone and she knew that.
She wasn't always absent. In the beginning, she was always there. We were always talking no matter where we were or what time it was. We told each other everything. Quoting her,"Pati nga pagpunta natin sa CR, alam natin." And because we were staying in two different places too far apart, we had to work on what we had. It wasn't easy, but we somehow managed.
The time came when, the physical distance added to the things we've been struggling with, became too much to bear. She was too far. I was too proud. Or the other way around. I'm really not sure anymore who felt what.
"So I took my love and I took it down.
I climbed a mountain and I turned around.
and if you see my reflection on the snow-covered hill,
well the landslide brought me down."
Somehow, it occurred to me that the end was inevitable. It was to come sooner or later, I was just too blind to see it. And I know I promised that I would stand by you and with you no matter what but as much as I want to keep that promise, I can't. I am deeply sorry that I can no longer be true to my words for I don't think that it's still emotionally healthy to continue with this. Not with the way we've become.
