Rae Jimenez
DEDICATION
To everyone who became a part of YCIB. YOU are part of the reason why I am where I am now.
PROLOGUE
“Someone has to write all those stories. Why not me?”
- Elizabeth Gilbert
February 8, 2012
There are moments in life when one feels the urge to just stop for a while and ask: “What happened?”
This moment, for me, is one of those. I don’t know about you, but as I lie in bed tonight, I find myself thinking about the people I have lost these past years. It had me asking what happened. What the hell happened?! What did I do to lose all of those people?!
Was it due to a series of mistakes that led to one unfortunate event onto another? Was it simply because of irreconcilable differences? Was it a misinterpretation of words and actions? Reading too little or too much between the lines? No matter how I look at things, I couldn’t give specific answers to those questions.
I don’t have the sharpest of memories. Most of them are quite indistinct now. I don’t remember much of the details. What I remember though, before it all came crashing down, was that I belonged. It may have been chaotic most of the time, but we were happy. I was happy.
And because of that, I believe it is imperative that I tell you when –I think- it all began.
CHAPTER 1: FANTASTIC FOUR
My name is Rae. I was a junior in high school then. Since school was taking most of my time for as long as I can remember, I kind of lost touch with my childhood friends. I guess that’s what really happens as you “age”. Your priorities change. If before, your main goal in life is to make friends and play all day, now it’s getting through school…with high grades if you can.
I have three guy friends that I used to hang out with when we were younger. One of them is named Steven. He’s actually my cousin (one of favorites—don’t tell anyone!). I remember playing “karate” with him all the time when we were kids. He’s younger than me. By three years, I think, but he’s a tall kid and he hits hard.
The second boy is named Mark but we call him Mac-Mac or just Mac. I remember riding bikes with him and his siblings. We’re of the same age but he’s a September and I’m a November so technically, he’s older (bleh!). His father used to be good friends with mine.
And the last one is Patrick, who’s also two or three years younger than me. I remember coming over to their house everyday to play with him and his sisters…and watch Super Sonic.
I honestly don’t know how I managed to fit all of them in my schedule. But as I’ve said, through the years, priorities change. People change…and so did I. I lost connection with the three of them.
Years passed. I don’t know who approached who first. By the time I was a junior in high school, I was hanging out with the three boys again. And they became good friends with each other too. So from me, all alone, came the three guys who up to now, I still love as brothers.
…and then there were four.
CHAPTER 2: THEN THERE WERE FIVE
Not long after I was reunited with the boys, Gen came along. Now, Gen and me, we had history. I remember disliking her posse when we were younger. I don’t remember any catfights with her or with any of her friends then. Nevertheless, things had been said, particularly at the courtside whilst their basketball team was playing against ours. We were just being kids…with big mouths and quick tempers (I dare you to put a smiley here).
So, you can just imagine my disbelief when Steven told me that he followed Gen up to her house just to ask for her number! Alarm bells started ringing in my head.
Thankfully, -and I say this with utmost sincerity- through the efforts of the boys, Gen became a part of the group. I thought it would be awkward having her around and it was at first. Eventually, I got over the awkwardness. Besides, it was nice to have another girl in the group aside from me.
Those were fun times…good times. We would hangout almost every day. We even created a name for our group - drum roll please! - BANGAGZ! I don’t remember why we chose that name though. Although, I remember that we would set our phones’ clocks at the same time. We’d have the same ringtones and welcome notes. We were in sync…most of the time.
Nothing in this world is perfect, as we all know but like I said, those were crazy times…fun times. We were tight. And from four, came Gen…then we were five.
CHAPTER 3: AGREED
“Large organization is loose. Nay, it would be almost as true to say that organization is always disorganization.”
— Gilbert K. Chesterton
Months passed. I graduated from high school, and it was the summer of 2007. Fiesta time!
I remember complaining to my friends and my mother about how the fiesta committee was always staging the same thing year after year after year after…(repeat until fade). My friends agreed.
So being the young blood “genius” with a big mouth that I am, I suggested: they should stage something fresh and exciting like, say oh, a dance contest. They, again, agreed.
My mother, at that point, said “I-suggest niyo sa kanila ah,” or something closely similar to that. We let the idea set in for a while… Okay. Fine…maybe just a few minutes. After thinking about it, we agreed.
So we (Gen and I) talked to the head of the Elders-as we so fondly call them- and explained our ideas to her. Fortunately, she liked it and said that we should attend their next meeting so that we could explain to the rest of the committee our suggestion. So we did. And they agreed with the idea. But wait! There’s a hitch. Since staging a dance contest was our brilliant idea, we had to organize the event…and so, we agreed.
Oh! If we only knew what we were getting into.
First things first though. We couldn’t do it with just the five of us…make that four…or three. We needed help. So we went from house to house and invited teens to come and join us for a meeting of some sort. Surprisingly, almost everyone we invited came. I tell you, by the end of that meeting I was drained! I had a spat with Gen’s ex posse. Only a few of those who attended were truly interested. Even so, the number of people who stayed were enough to form an organization.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how the Youth Council of Inkioli Bilay came to be. We were a hit that year! The venue was unbelievably crowded. The participants were all good and very entertaining. And for the next three years, we held the same event in the same location successfully.
CHAPTER 4: GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY
Hold your horses though. Those four successful years didn’t come without a price. We had to work hard for each of those years. Working hard comes with fatigue and with fatigue comes stress. Mix it all together and you have flaring tempers from here on yonder.
DISCLAIMER!!!
Before I go any further, let me just make it clear that when we formed the organization, I had no intentions at all of making new friends. Somehow (silly me), my brain wasn’t able to deduce that by meeting all these new people, I was bound to make new friends one way or another. I know it seems rude, but that is how it was. I was already contented with what I had with the Bangagz so why ask for more?
As you all may have figured out already, the original Bangagz and those who remained with the organization eventually became good friends with each other. It was inevitable, I guess. It was impossible to not be friends with people you’ve worked so closely with.
But like I said, tempers flared. At the beginning, we all had our shouting matches with one another. People would take sides knowingly or unknowingly. Thankfully, there was always at least one person who was level headed enough to be the mediator/peace maker. I’m very sorry to disappoint, but it wasn’t always me. It was even rarely me, I think.
Let me take this moment to admit that I have quite a temper. Sometimes it gets so bad that I think Italian blood maybe running through my veins…which is highly improbable.
However, as I have said, people change. The people we started YCIB with were reduced to a fewer number. There were others who came and went. So basically, there was me, Steven, Mac, Pat, Gen, Joy, Judith, Tina, Egi, Sylvie, Athena, Anjo, Iňez and Mariz.
Over the years, we met more people and most of them became friends as well. There’s April, Benjar, Ryan, Roniel, Kuya Mike, Nikko, Eloy, Jubi, Jomartin, Matthy. There were more, but I couldn’t remember them all and for that, I am sorry.
If I will take the time to give a description of those people I have mentioned, it would take me years to finish. For that, my sincerest apologies.
All I could say though is that we met them in different times. Some became more significant than the others. Some of them I still see and/or talk to. And yes, some of them became boyfriends/girlfriends with some of us at one point in time…but that’s another story.
CHAPTER 5: GOSSIP GIRL + PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken but your life was changing.” —Elizabeth Gilbert
It is not uncommon for a group as big as ours to have problems. But I would not speak of all of those issues in detail here. Partly, because I don’t remember most of them. Partly, because I wasn’t exactly involved in some of them. But mostly, it’s because I can’t promise that I would be able to share them detailed and unbiased.
In light of that, all I can say is that all of those problems, unresolved or not, piled up and led to our demise.
I couldn’t talk about it honestly then. I kept saying I was the victim and I was right and they were wrong. Now I realize that “it ain’t that black and white” after all. I wasn’t the only victim. I wasn’t the only one who got hurt. Now I know we were all victims- victims of our emotions, our speculations, and of the circumstances we were pushed into. We were all wrong and I strongly believe that the biggest mistake we made was when we started fighting the wrong people…each other.
I believe the “end” evidently started summer of 2010. By this time, Anjo, Patrick, Mark, Steven and the Aquino sisters were living their own lives in a way.
Most of us were receiving anonymous text messages. Those text messages contained secrets and pieces of information we’d never tell anyone outside the group. By “most of us” I mean except me (though I did receive a text once).
Do you watch Gossip Girl and/or Pretty Little Liars? If you’re familiar with those TV series, then I have no more to explain. It was like “A” and “Gossip Girl” teamed up to make our lives a living hell. For the benefit of the others though…
That person, whoever he or she was, knew our secrets. S/he knew our fears. S/he knew what buttons to push to ignite a fire; to start a feud amongst us…and s/he succeeded.
Trusts were broken. Speculations were made. Conclusions were drawn. And I was at the receiving end.
I will not go into detail of how it happened and how it ended. I can only say though that it ended badly.
EPILOGUE
It’s February 9,2012 and it’s been almost two years since then. The girls made an effort to patch things up with me a year ago. I wasn’t ready. I was still confused and hurting. Mostly, I was just still disappointed. During that time I was still thinking that the people who I thought I knew me so well, didn’t know me so well after all. In simpler words, I was still bitter about how things turned out.
Before you get off your high horses though, let me clarify that this wasn’t written to rehash the past. This is not meant to open old wounds. That part of my life is already too scandalous and too painful as it is. Besides, like I said, I would like to think that we are all in much better (forgive the redundancy) places now.
I chose to tell the story –or at least my side of it- now because I think it is imperative. Someone has to. I have to, if only just to make sense of it all…
It’s been almost two years.
Patrick, Inez, Mariz, Anjo, April and Matthy are all in college. Steven’s working at a studio, but he did promise me one time that he’d go back to school and finish college. Mac took ALS but I don’t know if he finished it.
The other girls? They have their own jobs. I can be civil with them now. Friendly with some. It’s still awkward but I’d like to believe that after everything that has happened, we all ended up becoming better people, in one way or another.
Now, I’d love to say that I found out who that “A”/”Gossip Girl” is. Unfortunately, I never did. And I’m guessing, neither did they.
What’s the moral of the story then, you ask me?
· There are certain things in life that are out of your control. Whatever is bound to happen will happen. So don’t fight it. There’s not much you can do. Cliché as it is, everything happens for a reason.
· Just when you think you’re better than everyone else, think again. Confidence is good…just don’t go overboard.
· Easy with the temper! Not doing so is dangerous for your health or for anyone else’s.
· Quoting Elizabeth Gilbert,”Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.” So, be a friend to you first.
· Whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, believe that humans are essentially good.
· Lastly, forgive and accept. There is no such thing as forgive and forget. Life’s too short. ☺
xoxo-Rae
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